I'm scanning the sky for doo-doo missiles, when there's a bloodcurdling scream. An ugly thing with a human body, ears like a rabbit and a face so grotesque it would make gladiators wet their pants leaps off the roof of the houseboat. It lands right in front of me.

A bat flies straight towards my face. it gives me a perfect view of of possibly one of the ugliest creatures alive. It has long ears and what looks like a piece of salad on the end of its nose. I'm being attacked by Master Yoda with wings!

Ben often comes here. It's some kind of kangaroo graveyard. He likes to collect kangaroo bones. What can I say? It's just something Stink Collectors do.

It was probably my mother's screaming that frightened the cat. It's just a guess. No one knows for sure why a cat fell from a ten-storey building onto my head.

I made a deal with sharks. I don't swim near them and they don't play cricket.